The wait is over - the next 'American Idol' is...

... and we'll tell you in the next post. (Just kidding, that's just how Ryan does it on the show.)
This finale has seemed inevitable for about 12 weeks now, and here it is. David Cook is the winner, and next season promises lots of changes.
If I may suggest one change, less is more! Enough with the hour-long results shows, two-hour finales, and so forth. It's too much for anyone over 14 to deal with.
As for advice for the new Idol, let me quote Randy by saying "OK, OK, check it out. You can sing the phone book, dawg! That was hot! You are in the zone! Still, it was a little pitchy, dawg. I'm not mad at you for that." If you could program a robot to say just those things, Randy could spend more time on his eyewear line and MTV dancing show.
I can't really quote the others, even though like Paula I could do the critiques before the singing. Simon, on the other hand, is usually right.
See you next season, dawg!

"Idol" meets the Beatles, part two

Hey, you know what had something to do with the Beatles and was GOOD? "Across the Universe." Seriously, see it, it rocks.
Now, for this.

Amanda Overmyer
Song: Back in the U.S.S.R.
The peanut gallery: Randy says it was the perfect song for her, but it was pitchy at the beginning. "7 out of 10!" Paula said she was ahead of the beat some, but she was unique. She said she wants to see her do a ballad. Simon said it was predictable, a bit of a mess in parts and she is doing the same thing week after week. He thinks she's in trouble.
I think: I still say this woman has one move, and I am getting tired of it. (Simon and I are together again.)

Kristy Lee Cook
Song: You've Got to Hide Your Love Away
The peanut gallery: Randy said it was an interesting arrangement and it was kind of boring and safe. Paula said it's best to stick with the usual arrangements, and it was too safe. Simon said she needs hypnosis because she's not a good performer, and she's like musical wallpaper. Ugh! She said "the whole Beatles thing" is new to her. Shut up, Kristy.
I think: I don't like the arrangement at all. It's a simple song and she and the band are overdoing it.

David Archuleta
Song: The Long and Winding Road
The peanut gallery: Randy said they audience was right to go crazy because the hotness is back. Still, he said he needs to make it his own. Paula said it was the most exciting performance and it reveals his character to come back from a bad week. Simon said this week he was amazing.
I think: Kind of a boring song, but he's back on his game.

Now, we have live commercials for iPhone and Coke. Sheesh.

Michael Johns
Song: A Day in the Life
The peanut gallery: Randy said it isn't one of his best performances. He has to let his voice take over. Paula said she caught dress rehearsal and it was phenomenal. She thinks the monitors are hurting his performance (but he wasn't wearing it! so she said their is no excuse). Simon said it was a mess, he didn't hit the right notes, and it didn't work as a minute and a half.
I think: He is doing the "woke up, got out of bed" part! I wondered how he'd pull this song together for 90 seconds. He is making a big ol' mess out of it. (Simon and I are in sync again.)

Brooke White
Song: Here Comes the Sun
The peanut gallery: Randy said the performance was awkward, and the "whoo!" kind of slipped out and it didn't gel together. Paula said you can't help but smile when you listen to her, and it showed off her low notes. But she should not play it so safe. Simon said he just knew she'd be wearing yellow, and said the performance was horrible. (She tells the audience not to give the judges a hard time, which is awesome.)
I think: She is not doing much different with the song, but it suits her. I never thought I'd like her so much.

David Cook
Song: Day Tripper
The peanut gallery: Randy said he keeps it interesting, and he's throwing picks in the crowd. He said it was "another solid look for David Cook." Paula said there's nothing else to say, he's ready to go sell records. Simon said it's not as good as David thought it was, the voice box was stupid, and he's lost his element of surprise a little.
I think: He is another surprising person to me. I never thought I'd like him as much as I do, but ever since "Hello" he's been knocking them out of the park (with a voice box no less!). This is the best performance of the night.

Carly Smithson
Song: Blackbird
The peanut gallery: Randy said it was very nice and controlled. He loved it and said it was cool. Paula said the arrangement was beautiful and everyone is challenging each other. Simon said the song choice was not very smart, it was indulgent, and she just totally interrupted him! I don't believe it!
I think: She needs to keep her overwrought voice reined in and do something nice. Now, if she only had kept it up the whole song, and covered up the ugly tattoo. And she really lays on the Irish accent when she's on stage.

Jason Castro
Song: Michelle
The peanut gallery: Randy said it was a good choice, but kind of subdued, and he didn't really connect with it. Paula said he has a distinct charm, and he gets a little disconnected without his guitar. Simon said tonight is a weird show, and it's getting a bit strange. He also said Jason's face sold that, that he's "very charming and not obnoxious."
I think: This is very solid. I loved it.

Syesha Mercado
Song: Yesterday
The peanut gallery: Randy said it was a very good performance and she took some liberties. Paula said she let herself be vulnerable and it sets her apart. Simon said it was her best performance so far, because she chose the best song and arrangement.
I think: This is such an easy song to make boring, and she did it here.

Chikezie
Song: I've Just Seen a Face
The peanut gallery: Randy said it was a weird arrangement (agreed!) and he didn't like the slow part (disagreed!). Paula said it showed all sides of Chikezie. Simon said it started OK but the harmonica was "literally atrocious" and it turns into "Achy Breaky Heart" at the end! Hee! He said it was gimmicky.
I think: I liked it better slow, because the fast version is just like last week's "She's a Woman," which was really great.

Ramiele Malubay
Song: I Should Have Known Better
The peanut gallery: Randy said he liked it and it showed her confidence. Paula said definitely better than last week, but the ballads show her range. Simon said it sounded like Chikezie was on harmonica. He said it was a mediocre song (oh, snap!) and didn't show the best of her ability so "it is what it is."
I think: I love this song, and it's really fun, and she is not ruining it. She's doing better than the last couple of weeks.

I think Michael is out and Jason and David Cook were the best of the night.

"American Idol" is back

This ... is "American Idol!" The first auditions are from Philadelphia.

First guy, Joey, has lost more than 200 pounds, and I am already worried about him. This is too hard! Joey's going to Hollywood! Thank God. But Simon says "He looks hungry."
Next up is Borat, or something, from Egypt. "I want to love a girl, from the hair to the nipple ... I want to for Mr. The Bee Gees." Good God when will this be done? No high-five for him.
Melanie sang backup for Taylor Hicks. And she is going to Hollywood too.
James is a tour guide. He is an African-American male who says he sounds like Eddie Vedder. He sounds like he has mouth full of marbles. He is ... AWFUL! All three judges are laughing. Paula looks like she may even be laughing so hard she's crying. The first comment, from Simon, "I'm sorry, James." "Would you like me to sing something else?" "NO!"
Now a montage of terrible singers, which brings out the worst of the judges. Simon says to one, "Sybil! Sybil! Sybil! Shut up!"
Junot is next. He is very good, and will go to Hollywood. Jose also goes to Hollywood, with a song in Spanish. Jonathan goes to Hollywood as well.
Temptress is a 16-year-old female linebacker. She is huge, incredibly sweet and her mother is very sick. God, I hope she's good. And ... she's not. And now she's crying, so all three of the judges walk her out. It's a very moving moment.
Mark sings "White Christmas" badly. It's a no.
Udgeet is dancing, according to him, like MC Hammer. He also says people say he sounds like Frank Sinatra and Barry Manilow. He sounds like me, in the shower. It's bad. "Did you honestly think you had any chance of getting through and winning?" "Yes I did." "It was slightly disturbing, the audition."
Another montage, of people singing "I Love Rock 'n' Roll." Most of them are best described as ... spazzy.
Alexis wears shiny eye shadow and glitter, lots of glitter. She is from Allentown and claims the song "Allentown" is by Bon Jovi. She shows off her home, which appears to be one room. My husband asks, "where's the meth lab?" He has it nailed. She compares herself Janis Joplin, Grace Slick or Pat Benatar. "It was a little bit possessed," Simon says. She gives the camera the finger with both hands and she says "That's it! I'm going for actressing!" Ryan looked a little scared.
Angela, from Chicago, has a handicapped daughter. I just have my fingers crossed here, and right away you can tell she's good. She has a ton of personality, too, too much for Simon. He says she needs to "de-weddingize." But she's going to Hollywood, and her family tackles Ryan. Simon has this to say, "The amazing thing about this country is you are geuinely happy when someone you know does well." Thus ended Day One.
On Day Two in Philly, Alyse sings "Feelin' Good," and Simon stops her to say "It was exactly identical to a nightmare I had last week." Thus follows a montage of nightmarish singing.
A strange man named Milo, in a leopard vest, insists he needs to come in and sing a song called "No Sex Allowed." He is 39, but Ryan lets him in. He is marching as he sings a song that goes "Sex is weak, and love is strong." Randy sings along with the chorus "No sex allowed!" Milo was satisfied, even after Simon called his song "perverted."
Kristy is a cage fighter who lives in a log cabin. She can also sing, and she sings "Amazing Grace." She's going to Hollywood.
Benjamin is wearing a black velvet cloak. "I just wanted it to be a surprise. My costume." He is wearing the Princess Leia gold bikini. He looks bad. They don't even listen to him sing. Paula advises him to wax his chest hair, and Simon says "why did you bother to do that?"
Paul is singing a love song he wrote for Paula Abdul. Is he ever creepy! He sings that he broke into her house and wore her underwear. "If she were a chalkboard I would chalk her." All these things rhyme with stalker. He kind of had to be kicked out.
Beth's last name was Stalker. So naturally, this was the segue. She sang an old-fashioned song in an old-fashioned way. She's going to Hollywood, even though Simon says she won't stand out in a crowd.
The Princess Leia guy is back. He waxed his chest hair. Simon is NOT happy. He sang one line and is back off again.
Chris wants to be a legend. He sings an Uncle Kracker song. Simon thinks he looks like a star, and "the chicks will like you." I agree. He's going to Hollywood.
Christina is a "Star Wars" fan. As a fellow "Star Wars" fan, I am ashamed. Luckily, she is also terrible. Simon had it in for her when she walked in. I don't think he likes "Star Wars." "People call me a dork in a negative fashion; I think of it as a positive fashion," she says. "Nice to meet you, Christina," Simon says. "Give my love to the Wookiee."
Brooke is a skinny blondie; she is the anti-Christina. The most interesting thing about her? "I've never seen an R-rated movie." She is a good singer. "There's something very pure about you," Randy says. Simon says "we can bring you over to the dark side." And she says, "I dare you!"
Twenty-nine people got in.

That ... was "American Idol."