Sunday, February 22, 2009

81st Academy Awards

We're still in our preshow "bitch, please" segment. My husband is now telling me that Penelope Cruz sometimes looks like a boy (uh, not tonight she don't), and Anne Hathaway often does not look good on the red carpet (also, not tonight). I yelled "who is good enough for you?" and he answered "YOU!" Oh.

Jack Black! AAH! I didn't think I'd get to see him tonight. Could they have made it a little more obvious he was not a big priority for them? I love you Jack, and I always will, and I don't care that you never comb your hair.

Marisa Tomei is wearing three dresses that have been maybe stapled together. No clothes in the movie, three dresses to the Awards.

If anyone did not like the opening number that Hugh Jackman did kindly keep it to yourselves because it was an utter delight. Have a sense of humor.

Best Supporting Actress: "Penelope Cruz"

I love how she says "Woody." She thanked Pedro Almodovar. Awwww.

Tina Fey and Steve Martin are a good team.

Best orginal screenplay: Dustin Lance Black "Milk"

Sweet speech. The politcs of this film seem to be its trump card, as my friend Josh Larsen predicted.

Best adapted screenplay: Simon Beaufoy "Slumdog Millionaire." And the race is on.

Jack Black, squee!

We have a family joke about "Space Chimps" and let's just say, Jack is very annoyed right now.

Best animated feature: "Wall E"

Nice cut from Jennifer Aniston to Brad and Angelina's reaction. Stay classy, Oscar cameramen.

Best Short Animated Feature: La Maison en Petits Cubes" Kunio Katô Aw I was rooting for the other one. Did he just say Domo Arigato Mr. Roboto? I believe he did.

Sarah Jessica Parker and Daniel Craig landed the plum presenting gig, if one like to be on stage for a long time.

Best Art Direction: "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" Donald Graham Burt, Victor J. Zolfo

Best Costume Design: "The Duchess" Michael O'Connor

Best Make Up: "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" Greg Cannom

And now, YOUNG PEOPLE PLEASE TUNE IN! It's Edward! and I still think Wall E and Eve might be the most romantic couple at the movies last year.

Ben Stiller is doing the Joaquin Phoenix thing with Natalie Portman. She looks pretty. What is everyone going to do when he comes back? Well, this is awkward.

Best Cinematograghy: Anthony Dod Mantle

James Franco and Seth Rogen laughing through "The Reader" and "Doubt" = AWESOME.
Janusz Kaminski holding his Oscars and watching "Zohan" "I liked this movie" = possibly MORE awesome.
Then Kaminski comes on and says "suck it, Anthony Dod Mantle!" Someone will write a column about how undignified this is tomorrow. I want to know why they still even present best short film during the show. No one cares. I mean they sure dispatched the geek awards quickly enough this year.

Best Short Film, Live Action: "Spielzeugland" Jochen Alexander Freydank

John is sitting next to me clearing his throat every five seconds, but I like musicals, so he can suck it.

This is really neat, having the former winners come out and say nice things about the nominees. It gives both their moments.

Best Supporting Actor: Heath Ledger "The Dark Knight"

His parents and brother are accepting. Everyone is pretty moved by this moment.

Best Documentary: "Man on Wire"

I think that's the first time a documentary winner was so entertaining. The Man on Wire of "Man on Wire" did TWO magic tricks!

Best Documentary, Short Subject: "Smile Pinki"

I am officiallly getting a little tired.

Will Smith just said he prefers that have fans.

Best Visual Effects: "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" Eric Barba, Steve Preeg, Burt Dalton, Craig Barron

I was just checking a name spelling and you know what the number one movie this weekend is? "Madea Goes to Jail"? How much money did it make? $41 million!

Will Smith said "Boom goes the dynamite"! Some guys at my office are going to find this hilarious.

Best Sound Editing: "The Dark Knight" Richard King

Best Achievement of Sound: "Slumdog Millionaire" Ian Tapp, Richard Pryke, Resul Pookutty

Best Achievement in Editing: "Slumdog Millionaire" Chris Dickens

Eddie Murphy looks like he's still pretty mad he didn't win for "Dreamgirls" as he introduced Jerry Lewis.

Best Original Score: "Slumdog Millionaire" A.R. Rahman

When all the music is played like that, it really shows how boring most movie scores are.

Best Original Song: "Jai Ho" A.R. Rahman, Sampooran Singh Gulzar

I wonder how many people woke up because of those giant "Slumdog" drums. On another note, I don't remember the last time there were three such great songs nominated for Oscars.

I'm going to put Freida Pinto's picture here, because I love her blue dress, and she and Liam Neeson presented this award.

Best Foreign Language Film: "Departures" Japan

No one is clapping for any of the dead people this year. Harsh. Well, Paul Newman got a hand.

Best Director: Danny Boyle "Slumdog Millionaire"

One down, one to go! He jumped up and down like Tigger. I agree with him, it is a very nice show. Did you heard what happened with this movie? It was almost never released! Can you believe it now?

It's weird every year to realize who has won Oscars. Oscar winner Reese Witherspoon, for instance.

Best Actress: Kate Winslet "The Reader"

Halle Berry is so ugly, isn't she? I mean, why does she even get out of bed? And Sophia Loren, who are you kidding? this is just a stage full of ugmos, isn't it? (In the words of Homer Simpson, in case you don't realize it, I am BEING sarcastic!) I'll be honest, I didn't at all care for this film, and the other film Kate did this year, but I love her as an actress and think she is very deserving of this recognition.

Best Actor: Sean Penn "Milk"

I think Sean Penn's had a little work done. And I think DeNiro wrote what he said about Sean Penn.

Best Picture: "SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE"! The kids are on the stage. This pleases me.

Hugh was a great host, the stage was cool, and the show ended in about the same time as ever. But I predict a bunch of articles tomorrow saying he sang too much and the show was too long. Weber out!

Saturday, February 21, 2009

2009 Film Independent Spirit Awards

First off, the name of this show is always like "Film Independent Spirit blah blah blah" ....

Ben Stiller looks cute with more hair. More hair for Ben Stiller. Steve Coogan starts out pointing it really bothers Ben Stiller that he is only the third biggest star in the world. Already better than last year's endless Rainn Wilson and Dennis Hopper weirdness.

James Franco, sigh.

Nice one: Woody Allen's "Vicky Cristina Barcelona" brought a new category, "Best Girl on Girl Action Disguised as Art."

"Man on Wire" would have been better if he had fallen at the end.

Cut to Lucy Lui with a giant bottle of Jameson in front of her. Party!

Funny bit about Steve Coogan running into Jonathan Demme in Whole Foods and imitating Hannibal Lecter. I bet that happens to him all the time.

People are seriously more dressed up this year. They used wear jeans and stuff.

More James Franco. Could he be nominated in every category? He is so cute! OK, that kid is "Ballast" was awesome, but I am still glad Franco won.

Best supporting actor: James Franco "Milk"

Ben Kingsley and Mary Kate Olsen could have used a screenplay - and some acting lessons - for their best first screenplay award presentation. They were not believeable as humans. And could this be the last time we hear of the existance of "The Wackness"? People said "Milk" was "awfully gay"? Come on!

Best first screenplay: Dustin Lance Black "Milk"

That "Afterschool" movie looked seriously messed up.

Does anyone get the feeling Aaron Eckhart could have worn a bathrobe and looked as good?

Best first feature: "Synedoche, New York" Charlie Kaufman

Charlie Kaufman is a hilariously strange person who would probably be awful to know in real life.

I would think the Independent Spirit Awards is the one place we wouldn't have to see Jessica Alba. Chiwetel Ejiofor, there's a tall drink of water, though.

Best supporting female: Penelope Cruz "Vicky Cristina Barcelona"

"They told me to swear a lot." You do that, Penelope. She then told an awesome story about Woody Allen going to the dermatologist the day she was kissing Scarlett Johansson.

Ugh, they brought back the parody songs from last year. I was really hoping they would not. I rememeber vividly the "Diving Bell and the Butterfly" song from last year. "I can't feel my toes and I can't feel my nose..." FAIL.

Ack! Mickey Rourke just flipped off the camera!

John Cassavates Award: "In Search of a Midnight Kiss"

Nice hooker outfit, Sandra Oh

First f-bombs, 50 minutes in. Six in one speech.

Phew, "Rachel Getting Married" got to have a real song, by Robyn Hitchcock no less. Lucky them. Note to 2009 films, always have music.

Note to anyone who hasn't seen "Rachel Getting Married," it features the coolest wedding ever. Everyone's wedding is lame next to this film.

Oh dear, we appear to have another attempt at a joke. "Joaquin Phoenix" and "Christian Bale." Decent line: "You look like a homeless munchkin!"

Best documentary: "Man on Wire." The documentary winner did not look amused at the intro team.

Jason Bateman and Ellen Page should go out on the road because they are just so damn cute together.

Tarra Riggs looks GORGEOUS.

Best female lead: Melissa Leo "Frozen River"

Melissa Leo's hairstyle and outfit had better be totally different at the Oscars tomorrow or the fashionistas are going to eat her alive. OH MY GOD THOSE GLASSES! IS SHE A SHUT IN? WHAT IS THE DEAL WITH HER? Her speech was sweet and all, but still THOSE GLASSES! MY EYES!

These parody songs are just so undignified. During the one for "Wendy and Lucy," Michelle Williams just looks confused. You aren't the only one, Michelle.

Claire Danes looks mean. Be honest. She looks mean. I bet she yelled at John C. Reilly backstage.

Who is this douche next to the winner of the Someone to Watch Award?

Producers Award: "Frozen River"

Truer Than Fiction Award: "The Order of Myths"

Man, Bradley Cooper is handsome.

Best Screenplay Award: Woody Allen, "Vicky Cristina Barcelona"

Rosie Perez just said "I just want to say I hate Penelope Cruz." She then called what she had to read corny. I love these dresses with pockets. They rock.

Best foreign film: "The Class"

Best cinematography: "The Wrestler"

Darren Aronofsky is suck a loveable dork.

Robert Altman Award: "Synedoche, New York"

During "The Wrestler" parody song, they did not get anywhere near Mickey Rourke. I am just trying to imagine the threats. Earlier they showed him writing the name of his dog who just died on the wall.

Best male lead: Mickey Rourke "The Wrestler"

Hey Phillip Seymour Hoffman, the hat, not working. However Mickey is a snappy dresser. His speech starts out talking about how Eric Roberts deserves a second chance, then said he's going to beat Rainn Wilson's ass, and then he finally gets to his speech. The audience yelled to him to thank Marisa Tomei. "Thanks to the wrestling community. We exposed some issues, like bangin' the girl in the a** in the bathroom ..."

Ugh. Then right after John Waters and Zooey Deschanel came on and did stupid banter they were WAY TOO INTO.

Best directing award: Tom McCarthy "The Visitor"

Kudos, Alec Baldwin. "I want back into the movie business so bad. I'm going to get a dog, start working out, and I want to second, whatever Eric Roberts did 15 years ago, let it go!"

Best feature: "The Wrestler"

Hopefully, Mickey Rourke, who is so happy he just picked up Darren Aronofsky, is too happy to beat up Alec Baldwin later.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

We can be “Heroes,” but just for one day?

At least we still have Hiro

When “Heroes” started two years ago, I was pretty excited about a live-action, network show about superheroes. I don’t know what I expected, and I still don’t. But I know I expected more than the show as is. Sometimes I think its companion, “Chuck,” is a better superhero show.
Last night, “Heroes’” latest chapter, “Fugitives,” started, and while it was better than the season two I’ll never get over, it was still below expectations. “Heroes” has simply never been as good as its first season, although at least its last chapter, “Villains,” was an improvement over the dreaded season that must not be named.
What’s the problem? On the surface, not that much. Many of the most problematic characters have either been purged (goodbye Wonder twins!) or their roles have been diminished (please let a side effect of the new world order be the banishment of voiceovers by Mohinder forever). Last night, Hiro and Ando had banter, and Sylar kicked some ass. Nathan was bad and Niki was naked.
But then Peter forgot he could fly, on a plane no less. Or maybe he lost the ability to fly? And HRG turned out to be the head of the baddies? And the guards on the plane were the worst henchmen since that stormtrooper who hit his head in the Death Star in Episode IV (classic moment, if you’ve never noticed it. It’s the scene where C3PO and R2D2 are hiding out in the little control room waiting for Han and Luke).
I’m … worried.