Screen Actors Guild Awards

A bunch of people talk about being actors to introduce this show instead of Ricky Gervais fake (or real?) pissing everyone off. This seems to go over better.

Best male actor in a TV comedy series: Alec Baldwin ("30 Rock"). Don't they call lady actors actresses? Not any more! Larry David did not clap for him. Probably sick of him winning... Alec thanks the union, and reminds us all that negotiations are coming up. Oh swell. No more strikes!

Christoph Waltz and Diane Kruger introduce the first nominated film ensemble, "Inglourious Basterds." Nice dress, Diane.

Anna Paquin has boooobs and she wants you to see them.

Best female actor in a TV comedy series: Tina Fey ("30 Rock"). Why can't I have hair like that? She wanted to tell NBC that they are very happy. Cute.

There was a "Team America" clip in the funny moments montage. Did you see it?

Best TV comedy ensemble: "Glee." What is funny about people singing obviously lip-synced songs? Just askin'. (I personally laughed at every clip but theirs, did anyone else notice that too?)

The second nominated film ensemble is "Precious."

Best male actor in a film supporting role: Christoph Waltz ("Inglourious Basterds"). I see he remains committed to his "making the speech related to the event" with his convoluted Screen and Actor and Projectionist speech. Still, he's so sweet.

Felicity Huffman is screwing up again?! UNREAL! Alec Baldwin saves the day. Take that conservatives!

Best female actor in a drama TV series: Hollywood love them some Julianna Margulies ("The Good Wife"). "My parents have been so supportive of every role ... well, except 'Snakes on a Plane'...."

Best male actor in a drama TV series: Michael C. Hall ("Dexter").

The third nominated film ensemble is "An Education."

Best ensemble performance in a TV drama: "Mad Men." It was nice to see "Mad Men" get something again!

Blah blah blah blah Ken Howard, no Haiti doesn't have anything to do with tonight, and George Clooney doesn't want any more attention for the telethon.

Sandra Bullock finds Betty White annoying. Here here! "She named four shows after herself - most people would give up after three ....." Wow, there was a time when Betty White was not really old. She has been around forever, hasn't she? Betty came up and the first thing she says about Sandra Bullock is "Isn't it wonderful to see how far a girl as plain as her can go?" Plus she has made at least three sex jokes in her speech, which is hilarious and more gracious than anything else tonight so far. She is 88!

Best female actor in a TV movie or miniseries: Drew Barrymore ("Grey Gardens"). Her entire speech may be composed of the word "um."

The fourth nominated film ensemble is "The Hurt Locker." Also, I think Jeremy Renner is wearing a velvet suit.

Best male actor in a TV movie or miniseries: Kevin Bacon ("Taking Chance"). The guy who helped Kevin learn how to act like a Marine is on his third tour of duty. No fun.

Sigourney Weaver got to do the death montage. So she's got that going for her.

Best female actor in a film supporting role: Mo'nique ("Precious"). She is getting more confident.

The fifth nominated film ensemble is "Nine." And after Mo'Nique's powerful speech, these skinny minis and their little dresses all look a little silly.

Best male actor in a film lead role: Jeff Bridges ("Crazy Heart"). I just saw this film and Bridges is very good in it, but I am getting a little worried about "Up in the Air" and "The Hurt Locker." These two films aren't getting the awards they deserve. "Bone turned me onto a great singing coach ... he does it over the phone ..." This guy is about 93% The Dude.

Please, for the love of God, keep Warren Beatty away from the actresses!

Best female actresses in a film lead role: Sandra Bullock ("The Blind Side.") Wel, well, now she's beaten Meryl Streep. It is ON. I predicted this week that she would beat Meryl Streep at the Oscars this year. Mark My Words.

George Clooney said he was on "The Golden Girls" in 1986 and he thanked Betty White for her discretion.

Best ensemble cast is: Inglourious Basterds! What a shocker! I couldn't help but cheer, even though it was still a disappointment for "The Hurt Locker." Who doesn't love an underdog story? The cast of "Nine," maybe.