81st Academy Awards

We're still in our preshow "bitch, please" segment. My husband is now telling me that Penelope Cruz sometimes looks like a boy (uh, not tonight she don't), and Anne Hathaway often does not look good on the red carpet (also, not tonight). I yelled "who is good enough for you?" and he answered "YOU!" Oh.

Jack Black! AAH! I didn't think I'd get to see him tonight. Could they have made it a little more obvious he was not a big priority for them? I love you Jack, and I always will, and I don't care that you never comb your hair.

Marisa Tomei is wearing three dresses that have been maybe stapled together. No clothes in the movie, three dresses to the Awards.

If anyone did not like the opening number that Hugh Jackman did kindly keep it to yourselves because it was an utter delight. Have a sense of humor.

Best Supporting Actress: "Penelope Cruz"

I love how she says "Woody." She thanked Pedro Almodovar. Awwww.

Tina Fey and Steve Martin are a good team.


Best orginal screenplay: Dustin Lance Black "Milk"

Sweet speech. The politcs of this film seem to be its trump card, as my friend Josh Larsen predicted.

Best adapted screenplay: Simon Beaufoy "Slumdog Millionaire." And the race is on.

Jack Black, squee!

We have a family joke about "Space Chimps" and let's just say, Jack is very annoyed right now.

Best animated feature: "Wall E"

Nice cut from Jennifer Aniston to Brad and Angelina's reaction. Stay classy, Oscar cameramen.

Best Short Animated Feature: La Maison en Petits Cubes" Kunio Katô Aw I was rooting for the other one. Did he just say Domo Arigato Mr. Roboto? I believe he did.

Sarah Jessica Parker and Daniel Craig landed the plum presenting gig, if one like to be on stage for a long time.

Best Art Direction: "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" Donald Graham Burt, Victor J. Zolfo

Best Costume Design: "The Duchess" Michael O'Connor

Best Make Up: "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" Greg Cannom

And now, YOUNG PEOPLE PLEASE TUNE IN! It's Edward! and I still think Wall E and Eve might be the most romantic couple at the movies last year.

Ben Stiller is doing the Joaquin Phoenix thing with Natalie Portman. She looks pretty. What is everyone going to do when he comes back? Well, this is awkward.

Best Cinematograghy: Anthony Dod Mantle

James Franco and Seth Rogen laughing through "The Reader" and "Doubt" = AWESOME.
Janusz Kaminski holding his Oscars and watching "Zohan" "I liked this movie" = possibly MORE awesome.
Then Kaminski comes on and says "suck it, Anthony Dod Mantle!" Someone will write a column about how undignified this is tomorrow. I want to know why they still even present best short film during the show. No one cares. I mean they sure dispatched the geek awards quickly enough this year.

Best Short Film, Live Action: "Spielzeugland" Jochen Alexander Freydank

John is sitting next to me clearing his throat every five seconds, but I like musicals, so he can suck it.

This is really neat, having the former winners come out and say nice things about the nominees. It gives both their moments.

Best Supporting Actor: Heath Ledger "The Dark Knight"

His parents and brother are accepting. Everyone is pretty moved by this moment.

Best Documentary: "Man on Wire"

I think that's the first time a documentary winner was so entertaining. The Man on Wire of "Man on Wire" did TWO magic tricks!

Best Documentary, Short Subject: "Smile Pinki"

I am officiallly getting a little tired.

Will Smith just said he prefers that have fans.

Best Visual Effects: "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" Eric Barba, Steve Preeg, Burt Dalton, Craig Barron

I was just checking a name spelling and you know what the number one movie this weekend is? "Madea Goes to Jail"? How much money did it make? $41 million!

Will Smith said "Boom goes the dynamite"! Some guys at my office are going to find this hilarious.

Best Sound Editing: "The Dark Knight" Richard King

Best Achievement of Sound: "Slumdog Millionaire" Ian Tapp, Richard Pryke, Resul Pookutty

Best Achievement in Editing: "Slumdog Millionaire" Chris Dickens

Eddie Murphy looks like he's still pretty mad he didn't win for "Dreamgirls" as he introduced Jerry Lewis.

Best Original Score: "Slumdog Millionaire" A.R. Rahman

When all the music is played like that, it really shows how boring most movie scores are.

Best Original Song: "Jai Ho" A.R. Rahman, Sampooran Singh Gulzar

I wonder how many people woke up because of those giant "Slumdog" drums. On another note, I don't remember the last time there were three such great songs nominated for Oscars.

I'm going to put Freida Pinto's picture here, because I love her blue dress, and she and Liam Neeson presented this award.

Best Foreign Language Film: "Departures" Japan

No one is clapping for any of the dead people this year. Harsh. Well, Paul Newman got a hand.

Best Director: Danny Boyle "Slumdog Millionaire"

One down, one to go! He jumped up and down like Tigger. I agree with him, it is a very nice show. Did you heard what happened with this movie? It was almost never released! Can you believe it now?

It's weird every year to realize who has won Oscars. Oscar winner Reese Witherspoon, for instance.

Best Actress: Kate Winslet "The Reader"

Halle Berry is so ugly, isn't she? I mean, why does she even get out of bed? And Sophia Loren, who are you kidding? this is just a stage full of ugmos, isn't it? (In the words of Homer Simpson, in case you don't realize it, I am BEING sarcastic!) I'll be honest, I didn't at all care for this film, and the other film Kate did this year, but I love her as an actress and think she is very deserving of this recognition.

Best Actor: Sean Penn "Milk"

I think Sean Penn's had a little work done. And I think DeNiro wrote what he said about Sean Penn.

Best Picture: "SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE"! The kids are on the stage. This pleases me.

Hugh was a great host, the stage was cool, and the show ended in about the same time as ever. But I predict a bunch of articles tomorrow saying he sang too much and the show was too long. Weber out!